Turruhnigmuh (Unfinished) By Dais Chapter Uno: Zee Death * (The intro) Narrator: The earth possessed two souls...yada yada.... * Narrator:...and so Light Gaia... ?: Ohhhfu... (Perel drops from above, smashing into the scenery and tearing it into pieces.) Narrator: Huh? Perel: Owwww.....(Looks up) Freakin' bat.... Narrator: Hey! What did you do that for? Perel: Uhh...do what? (Explosion, smoke, lights, big SHABOOMF!, and Light Gaia pops in shaving cream on face) LG: WHAT IS GOING ON? Perel: Eeep! Narrator: Uhhh....wasn't me..... LG: THOU SHALT DIE! Perel: No! Nonononononononononononoooooooo! LG: PREPARE THINESELF! (Another SHABOOMF!, a little flashier. Dark Gaia appears, dressed in a bathrobe. Several bats and mice scutter from it.) DG: CHILL. LG: HUH? Narrator: Dark Gaia? Light Gaia? What the... (DG waves his hand, overlaying text burns to ashes.) LG: I COULD'VE HAVE DONE THAT! DG: WELL, YOU DIDN'T. (Pause) NOW TO MATTERS. LG: PLEASE, I DON'T BLOODY FEEL LIKE FIGHTING. DG: NEITHER DO I. I MEANT THE BOY. Perel:DG: SEE WHAT I MEAN? Perel: Don't know what you haping the tree about, k-fow. LG: OH, PLEASE DO. DG: THANK YOU. Perel: Now hold on a jipad, erfmas! DG: SHUT- (Nuclear explosion rips through Perel, incinerating him instantly. DG looks smug.) DG: -UP. LG: I COULD'VE DONE THAT TOO. DG: YOU DIDN'T. LG: SO? (Each Gaia rolls up their sleeves, and proceeds to Put The Righteous Smack on each other.) ?: Get on with it! DG: HUH? (Cherubae drops from above, and hits the two Gaias over the head with a rolled-up newspaper) Cherubae: BAD! LG/DG: OWWWWWW.......... Cherubae: Get on with it! (Gaias stare at each other, then dissapear.) Cherubae: Hmmph. Simpletons. (TMNT theme music starts.) Cherubae: Finally! (Flies off into, er, blankness...) Cherubae: For the sake of FOGU! Dais: For cryin' outloud...oh, hey. (Narrator begins to speak again.) Narrator: Who is this mysterious Cherubae, this masked adventurer? Dais: Oh, shut up. Narrator: Man? Woman? Gogo all over again? Dais: SHUT UP! Narrator: Not that it matters, of course....but what mysteries could... Dais: PYRO RING!!!!!! Narrator: Crud! Uh....CHAPTER 1: THEaaaaggghhhhh!!!! * Game starts..... * Elle: Wake up. Elle: Wake up. Elle: Wake up. Elle: Wake up. Ark: Sssssss.....nuh....ss...SNIRK!...ss....uh.....sss... Elle: Wake up. Elle: WAKE THE F*** UP! Ark: AAAAH! Elle: Thank you. Ark: Uh...er...good...er..morning? Elle: Noon. Ark: Dammit. Elle: Subtle greeting after waking which belies the beginning of the deeper feeling I harbor for you which will grow throughout our seperation in your adventure, even thought it will be long and hard. Ark: Huh? Elle: However, expression of distaste which does not lower my opinion of you, concerning previous actions taken which were negotiably unproductive in a way that helps the community and it's inhabitants. Thought seemingly by all previous notions not in character, a request for an apology on your part is asked and is vital that you succeed in this properly to fufill your goal. Ark: Yeah, what I thought. Elle: OK. Bye! (Elle opens an interdimensional portal, which instantly takes her to a chair in the weavers house.) Ark: Damn, I wish I could do that....might as well get up. (He gets out of bed and wanders over to the table) Ark: Hmm. A book. (He spots a quill) Ark: I think this is Elle's diary.. (He thinks a moment, then picks up both book and quill) Ark: Now...let's see.... (He writes across the page "ARK WAS HERE") Ark: There. That's good. (He sets down the book, and closes it) Ark: Now...a new day awaits... (Ark proceeds to run around the house, slamming into things and throwing pots.) Person: Non-informative text. Ark: And how are you? Person 2: Non-informative text. Ark: Oh. Nice. Person 3: Non-informative text. Ark: I wasn't talking to you. Person 4: Hey, let's talk. Ark: Person 4: That door over there is so strange. Ark: Why's the door blue? Person 4: The Elder says we should never open it. Ark: Why do we all live in the Elder's house? Person 4: He says it only holds brooms. Ark: Of course, the Elder's the guy who sits around chanting all day. Person 4: We can't open the door at all. It's strange. Ark: Is this going anywhere? Person 4: Hey, let's talk. Ark: Thought so. * Ark: Da da da... Pumpkin: Are you getting in trouble again? Ark: WHAT THE F- Pumpkin: Are you- (Ark picks up the pumpkin and flings it away. It hits the Fishing Guy, and he falls into the river.) Ark: Cool. * Ark: Hmmm... Weaver: Of course I'll forgive you. Ark: Thank yew. Elle: Ark, you need to find another hobby. One that doesn't bother her. Ark: All I did was chase some chickens. Elle: Before that you beat her... Ark: Accident. Elle: Then you killed her first born... Ark: Accident. Elle: The sacraficial altar upon which she found her husband's remains? Ark: Not a clue. Elle: The series of fires that destroyed everything she held dear? Ark: Could've been anyone. Elle: The gruesome death threats sent by the mysterious 'A'? Ark: I didn't do a thing. Elle: Well, as long as you know when to stop. Now go and doing something helpful. Ark: Kay-o. (He runs outside and starts jumping along with the jumping kids) Kid 1: I wish I could jump as high as you, Ark! Kid 2: Ark, look how high I can jump! Ark: Whoop-dee-do. (He pauses in thought) Ark: Hey kid... Kid 1: Yeah? Ark: How would you like to go really high? Kid 1: Yeah! Ark: Just come over here to Uncle Ark.... (The kid walks over to Ark, who quickly picks him up and tosses him into the air. He goes straight up) Kid 1: Aaagh! Ark: Heh heh heh... Kid 2: Holy shit, Ark! Can you throw good or what? (Ark turns around and punches the kid) Kid 2: Ow! Ark: And that's for disrespecting your elders! Kid 2: Oww...what have you done to my brother Timmy? Ark: With any luck, he'll fall at a tremendous speed, ultimatly coming to impact the ground and forming a huge crater. Kid 2: Cool. (High above, little Timmy is has sped up about 100 feet) Timmy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (He hits the magical barrier, and stays there, frozen in time) Ark: Huh. He hasn't come down. Kid 2: Aaawwww...I want him to die NOW! Ark: Don't worry, kid. He probably- (Timmy explodes, lighting the sky with a bright red flare. Huge balls of flame fly down, frying villagers, wiping out houses, and generally causing destruction. Suddenly, a huge flash of pure white light obscures everything, but one dark shape falls downward. When the light fades away, all that is left of Timmy is....his head) Timmy: Cool! Can we do that again? Ark: Maybe later, kid. For now... (A glitter comes into his eye, and he straightens up) Ark: ...I have a meeting with destiny. (The kids..er..the one kid and the one kid's head look at each other) Kids..er..kids and heads..er..kid beings: Okay. Ark: Nice meeting you all. See ya. (He walks off) * Ark: Hello, this place is new... (Ark walks over into the magirock shop) Ark: Hi there. (Two magi sit at the counter) Magi 1: Magirock is like distilled magic... Ark: Magic? Magi 1: With it, you can use mystical rings and pins... Ark: Rings? Pins? Mystical? Magi 1: They will help you greatly in your quest... Ark: Er...quest? Magi 1: ..... Ark: Hello? Magi 1: BOO! Ark: AAAAAGH! (He grabs a pot and bashes the magi's head in) Magi 1: (nothing...just sorta a 'splat' sound) Ark: Agh... (He looks and see's the other magi staring at him) Ark: Nervous reaction. (The second magi nods slowly, then rises) Ark: Hey...what are you doing? (The magi grabs a sign from the counter, opens the door, and puts the sign on it. Then he points at it) Ark: Whats that? "Closed?" (Magi 2 nods, walks over to Ark, and pushes him towards the door) Ark: Hey..wait! What? Huh? (He stumbles out the door, and it slams behind. Listening for a moment, he hears several 'clicks', 'clunks', and what sounds like chains. He shrugs) Ark: Some people.... * Ark: So...you want me to open this door. Guy 1: Yes. Guy 2: You can do it, Ark! You're strong! Guy 3: Yeah! Guy 4: You da man, Ark! (The other three look at him) Guy 4: Er, I mean....you're not chicken, are ya? Ark: Wellll... (Ark walks over and punches Guy 4) Guy 4: Ow. DAMN YOU! (Guy 4 flies into a rampage, tearing the room to pieces, and killing people left and right. When he stops, only he and Ark are left) Guy 4: Gaahhhhh... Ark: Er...are you alright? Guy 4: Oh yes, I'm...AGHHH! Ark: Wha..? Guy 4: AAARRRGGGHHH MY HEAD!!! Ark: What the.. Guy 4: MYYY HEEEAAAADDDD ISS....*beep* NPC LOCATION ERROR. *beep* SCANNING MEMORY. *beep* NOT ENOUGH MEMORY FOR RECREATION - COMPRESSING. *beep*.....MYYYY HEEEAAADDD ISSS EXXXX...huh? Ark: Er... Guy 4: I feel...heavy.. Ark: Uh... Guy 4: What's going....*beep*....uh, wait...*beep*... (He pauses) Guy 4: Yes. You can do it, Ark! You're strong! Yeah! You're not chicken, are ya? Ark: Huh? Er, nevermind... (He walks over to the door and kicks it in, it slides open) Ark: There ya go. Guy 4: Er...thanks...I.. Voice: Help me...please... Ark: What the? Guy 4: What's that sou-... (He stops, falls down, and starts twitching) Guy 4: I...I...feel sick. I have a stomachache. I just remembered something I had to do. Ark, you opened the door, you can handle it. Go ahead, Ark. I don't feel so good. Ark: Er? (The guy twitches some more, then goes limp) Ark: Intresting. (Ark looks over to open doorway) Ark: Oh well. Worth a look. *** Chapter Twice: Cammie O *** Narrator: As we last left Ark, he had just been thrown in Corel prison.. Dais: Wrong game, idiot! Narrator: ...uh, he had found the Nazca ship? Dais: No! Narrator: He was confronting Exdeath in the Cleft of Dimensions? Dais: NO! Narrator: He was going to Forfeit Island? (Dais whacks his head against the ground for a while) Narrator: Well, you can do it then! I quit! Dais: What? You can't quit! You're the Narrator! Narrator: Not any longer! Dais: But I can't do it! I'm not trained! Narrator: Well, then! You'll just have to find someone else! (Narrator disappears) Dais: Where am I going to get a Narrator on such a short notice? (POOF) Freedan: Hey. Dais: Huh? What the hell is Freedan doing here? Freedan: Well, since Illusion of Gaia kinda fell through, I've been hard up for money... Dais: So you.. Freedan: ..want to be the Narrator. Yeah. Dais: But...but...you're a knight! Freedan: So? Dais: You're....noble...an' all that crud! You can't be the Narrator! Freedan: Why not? Dais: Its...just...I won't allow it! (Freedan pulls out that damned big sword of his) Freedan: Really? Dais: Uh...uh...um...I could...I mean...I SHOULD recon...reconsider.. Freedan: Good. (He puts the sword away) Dais: Thankyouverymuchsir,Imean,Iwasthinkingofusingyouanywayand- Freedan: Go away. Dais: Yessir! (Dashes off) Freedan: Let's see. (In best snobby British voice) When we last left Ark... * Ark: Hmm. This doesn't look like a broom closet.... (He wanders through the cave) Ark: A cave. (He finds some stairs, and goes down) Ark: A cave. (More stairs) Ark: Another cave. (Down) Ark: And another cave. (Down) Ark: And yet another cave. (Down) Ark: A cave. (Down) Ark: A cave. (Down) Ark: A cave. Freedan: Of course it's a cave, thickhead! It's been a frickin' cave for the last 76 damn floors! I don't think it's going to change soon! Ark: (Ignores him) A cave. Freedan: You just said that! Ark: (Angry) A cave. Freedan: Stop that, damn you! Ark: (Infuriated) A cave. Freedan: DARK FRIAR! Ark: Oh, cra- (FWOOSH! Ark has been toasted!) Ark: Fffhhh...uh...gghh... Freedan: Now, what do you have to say for yourself? Ark: Aahhhh...ahhh..cccaaavvvgghghhvvveeegg... Freedan: BIG DAMNED FIREBALL FROM HELL! Ark: Ghhhnooooooooo.... (POW! Ark has be turned into a crispy critter!) Freedan: Now go! Ark: (Instantly healing, so the plot may progress) 'k. (Down) Ark: A- Freedan: What? Ark: Nothing! Freedan: Good. Ark: (muttering) -cave.... Freedan: What? Ark: NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!! Freedan: Sheesh, you don't have to freak out, man. (Down) Ark: Hmm. A- Freedan: Ah? Ark: -BIGGER CAVE. Freedan: Good. My duty is done. Ark: Huh? Freedan: Nevermind. (Ark is left alone. He looks around) Ark: Hmm. I'm beginning to suspect this is not an ordinary broom closet. (He sees the Mystical Floating Box) Ark: Coooooool. (He runs toward it, then pauses) Ark: Hmm. This may be a test. I shall approach it calmly, with peace in my heart, and a kind mind. (He reaches towards it.) Ark: Hey, it's glowi- ( BAM! Ark goes flying back, and the box begins to call to him) Voice: Ark....calm you spirit, bring peace into your heart, and touch the box....Ark... Ark: Dammit! (He picks up a rocks and lobs it at the box. The box falls to the ground) Ark: That oughta show it! (He hears a faint hum) Ark: Huh? Oh, must be defective. (Picks up another rock) I'll put it out of it's mercy. (He lifts the rock over his head) Ark: Hehehe. (He smashes it directly into the box. The box crunches into the ground. The hum grows louder) Ark: What's that hum? (He looks at the box. It's flashing green) Ark: Bizarre. And what the hell it that hum? (The hum grows unbearably loud) Ark: Hmm. Maybe I broke someth- * (The elder sits in his room, one with the universe. He opens a droopy eye) Elder: Hmm? (He looks around) Elder: I thought I heard...hmmm... (He puts his head to the ground) Elder: What's that hum? (He thinks for a moment) Elder: I bet Ark has something to do with th- * (Elle weaves more thread, into a beautiful pattern. She holds some up) Weaver: So wonderful. Elle: Thank you. Weaver: You do such a fine job. Elle: Thank you. (The weaver leaves.) Elle: La la la...what? (She looks around. Nothing. She resumes weaving) Elle: La dee da...huh? (She listens for a moment. Nothing. She continues to weave) Elle: Mmmmm....nice, like the sun...huh? (She stops.) Elle: What is that noi- * On that day, no continents were resurrected. No creatures were conquered. No quest were undertaken. However, on that day, a certain something happened. Crysta experienced the magical equivalent of a super nova. It was not pretty. * (Fade in. Ark jolts awake...but he's standing up) Ark: AAAH HOLY CRAP EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES ITS GONNA BLOW HOLY WHAT THE...errrr... (He looks around. Nothing happens. He's in his room) Ark: Um. (He looks down. There is the book, with "ARK WAS HERE" written in big letters. He see's the words glow for a moment, then return to normal) Ark: Er. Um. (Suddenly, an idea comes to his head) Ark: Hmm....I know that really happened...soooo... (He grabs the book, and starts writing. After a few moments, it reads: ARK WAS HERE* *ARK IS AN IMMORTAL ALL POWERFUL GOD WHO CAN DO ANYTHING HE WANTS ) Ark: There. Now to...er..kill myself. * Fishing Guy: La dee da... Ark: YAH YAH YAH YAH! Fishing Guy: What the.. (Ark runs past him and leaps at the river) Ark: YAAAAAH! (He hits the river and bounces off) Ark: OW! (He rolls over, and rubs his head) Fishing Guy: Er... Ark: Ugghh... (He crawls over and touches the river. It's pure rock) Ark: Blue stone. Huh. Fishing Guy: Hey! Maybe that's why I'm not catching any fish! Ark: Oooossshh...my head...I feel... Fishing Guy: What's wrong? Are you hurt? Ark: I feel... Fishing Guy: What? What is it? Ark: I feel..that's enough for today. Fishing Guy: Oh. temporary -FIN- ***** Gah, yes, it WAS just a cheap pull together...shut yo' mouth. Take this magic axe, Bash. -Dais