Terranigma 2 - The Sequel
By Snape
Idea completely stolen without permission off of Dais, 'cos apparently, that's what I do.
I'm sure he won't mind.

Chapter 1 - The beginning

<middle of Loire town, a bright sunny day>
Narrator : Our story starts in this glorious town of Lo...
Girl : Would you like to buy a flower ?
Narrator : I'm trying to do an intro here. Bugger off.
Girl : Make a young girl or penguin talk !
Narrator : What ? Why the hell would I want a penguin to talk ?
Girl : Look mister, I'm giving out unnecessarily blatent clues. Take a damn flower or I'll shove
       it up your a...
Narrator : OKAY OKAY !!! I'll take one. Just leave me alone.
Girl : One ? JUST ONE ??? Cheapskate.
<He buys a flower, the girl storms off>
Narrator : (sigh) Anyway, let's try again. Our story starts in th...
<Girl walks back up to him, she seems to have forgotten what just happened>
Girl : Would you like to buy a flower ?
<The Narrator flips and rips her head off. He then sticks her flowers in her neck, making a
 rather fetching vase>
Narrator : Stuff it. I quit.

*****

<Meanwhile, back in reality, a group of Terranigma fans watch the intro to the sequel with
 high expectations...>
Dais : What kind of a lame intro was that. It didn't even tell the story.
Snape : At least the flower girl got killed.
Dais : Whatever. Turbo, get me a beer will ya ?
Turbo : I can't understand you. I'm a dog.
Dais : Turbo ? YOU SPOKE ??? I could make millions with this...
Turbo : Arg Warg Blarg Apple Tart
Dais : Damn.
<Turbo laughs and runs off>
Dais : One of these days I'm gonna have that mutt put down.
Cyrus : Good idea. *nt*
Wertigon : God dammit Cyrus ! Why don't you ever actually write a message instead of just a 
           title ?
Cyrus : Sorry. *nt*
Snape : Hey guys, the game's about to start...
<A ghostly silence fills the room. Everyone stares vacantly at the screen, oblivious to reality>

*****

<The game starts. It kicks off where it finished in the last game - Elle opening the door in the
 middle of the night.>
Elle : Ark ?!?
Guy : Err... no. I'm just the milkman. Milk ?
Elle : How unpredictable. No thankyou.
<Milkman raises an eyebrow and leaves. Elle shuts the door>
(Knock, Knock, Knock)
Elle : (groan) I said I didn't want any mil...
Ark : Hey babe. Miss me ?
Elle : Ark ? Is it really you ?
<Ark goes off and asks the milkman to make sure>
Ark : Yep.
Elle : But how ? How is this possible ?
<Ark goes off and asks the milkman again>
Ark : Apparently I've been resurrected to battle evil once more. To seek out new worlds and new
      civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Elle : What ?
Ark : Sorry. Milkman's a Trekkie.
Elle : How sad. So wanna come in and get down to it ?
Ark : We can't. Kids might be playing.
<Elle once again looks baffled>
Ark : Maybe in the credits sequence at the end. If we're quick.
<Ark goes off to the Elder's house and knocks at the door>
Ark : (shouts) Open up you old git !!!
<Door opens >
Tired looking guy : Elle wake you up again today ? Woohoo, the hot couple !
Ark : Errr... is that all you've got to say ? I've been gone two years.
Tired looking guy : Elle wake you up again today ? Woohoo, the hot couple !
<Taps guy on the head>
Ark : Hello ? Anyone home ?
<Tired guy gets irrate>
Irate looking guy : (whispers) Look you moron, I was deemed not important enough to get a change
                               of dialogue. You don't have to rub it in.
Ark : What do you mean ?
<Irate guy gets upset>
Upset looking guy : (sigh) Elle wake you up again today ? Woohoo, the hot couple !
<Ark walks by him, chuckling and goes into the Elder's room. A skeleton is lying in bed, wearing
 Action Man pyjamas>
Ark : Geez, you're looking as young as ever.
Elder : <snort, wakes up> Wha.. Who... Where...
Ark : Thank god you've still got all your marbles.
Elder : <Grunt, scratch, fart> Ark ? That you boy ?
Ark : The one and only.
<Starts singing cheesy song by Chestney Hawkes.>
Elder : You immense fool ! Err... I mean welcome back. Whats the prob ?
Ark : Dunno.
Elder : How were you resurrected ?
Ark : Dunno.
Elder : Why were you resurrected ?
Ark : Dunno.
Elder : What's the square root of 86153
Ark : 293.5183128869.
Elder : Hmmmm. I think you should go to the blue door and open it.
Ark : Will that explain things ?
Elder : Nope. It's just getting a bit stuffy in here. But now that you mention it, maybe Yomi
        could help you.
Ark : Thanks gramps.
Elder : I have a name, Ark. Call me Charlie - The Great King of The Flibble Relm.
Ark : Err... I'll pass on that one.
<Ark goes to the room with the blue door and starts lobbing pots at it>
Ark : Come on, crack dammit !
<Ark pauses for a second and tries the door handle. It opens>
Ark : Damn.
<Makes his way to the basement. See's a spinning box at the far end and goes up to it>
Ark : Yomi ? You in there ?
Voice : I'm sorry, but I am unavailable at the moment. If you want to leave a name and message
        after the beep, I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
<Beep>
Ark : WAKE UP YOU BLOB OF PURPLE SPUNK !!!
<The box disappears and is replaced by the 'Loveable Floating Bat Yomi'>
Yomi : Oh it's you. Waddya want ?
Ark : Why have I been brought back to life ?
Yomi : Game designers wanted to earn some cash.
Ark : What ?
Yomi : Nevermind. Look, the Narrator's gone mad and is going around killing people. Something to
       do with a flower girl I think.
Ark : Great story. Even that little punk Meilin could do better than that.
Yomi : It gets better. Apparently, he broke into Beruga's lab and contracted a mutated virus,
       transforming into a hideous salivating creature of the dark.
Ark : Super. So what do we do ?
Yomi : We have two choices. One, we form a group of mutant haters called 'The Committee for
       Liberations and Intergrations of Terrorfying Organisms and their Rehabilitaion Into
       Society. One drawback with that, the abbreviation is Clitoris.
<Ark raises eyebrow>
Yomi : Or two. Get off your butt and fight it.
<Ark thinks for a couple of minutes, weighing out the pros and cons>
Ark : Okay. I'll fight it. But I'll need your help again.
Yomi : (groan) I thought you might. Bugger. Okay, lets go then. Go tell the Elder.
<Yomi disappears into thin air, Ark goes back to the Elder>
Ark : Hey Chuck.
Elder : Charlie.
Ark : Sure. I'm going back to the surface world. Lemme out.
Elder : So be it. It begins.
Ark : Woah ! that was a bit ominous.
<They both go outside the village and stand by a large hole nearby>
Ark : (looks down) How deep is this anyway ?
<Elder hocks up massive greenie and spits it down the hole>
Elder : Phatoowie
Ark : Gross !
<They both listen for a noise. Nothing is heard>
Elder : There ya go. Anyway, do you have anything you need to do before you leave ?
Ark : Nope.
Elder : Are you sure ?
Ark : Yep.
Elder : Final answer ?
Ark : Yep.
Elder : Are you 100% absolutely, positively, definitely sure ?
Ark : Without doubt.
Elder : Don't you wanna say goodbye to Elle ?
Ark : (pauses) Oh yeah.
<Ark runs off and goes to the weavers house. Tries to enter Elle's room>
Elle : Don't come in here Ark !
Ark : Why not ?
Elle : Just a minute...
<Elle hides fisherman in closet and gets dressed>
Elle : Okay come in.
<Ark goes in>
Ark : I gotta go babe. Save the world as usual.
Elle : Oh right. Good luck.
Ark : At least I have my faithful, loving girlfriend to come back to.
Elle : (turns red) Yeah...
Ark : My faithful, trustworthy, honest girlfriend.
Elle : (starts to sweat, neck gets prickly) Sure...
Ark : I left my cloak in the closet. May I just grab it quickly ?
Elle : (starts shaking) NO !!! I mean... I'll get it.
Ark : Don't be silly. Allow me.
<Ark pushes past her and opens the closet door. A naked fisherman is standing there smiling at
 him>
Ark : What the hell is this ?
<Elle looks away in shame. Ark reaches into the closet and pulls out a cloak>
Ark : My cloak is pink.
<Elle looks back and lets out a sigh of relief>
Elle : Sorry. It ran in the wash.
Ark : What kind of a hero wears a pink cloak ? I'm not a bufty, ya know.
Elle : I'm really sorry.
Ark : It won't do. This is the ultimate low. We're finished.
Elle : No... Ark...
Ark : Just kidding. I've got another one at the Elders.
<Ark hands the cloak to the naked smiling fisherman and closes the closet door>
Ark : Cya round babe.
<Elle hugs him tightly and kisses him on the cheek>
Elle : Bye.
<Ark leaves and gets a cloak and the box from the Elder's then goes back to the hole>
Elle : (sigh) I'll miss him like crazy.
<A naked fisherman steps out of the closet, smiling>
Smiling, Naked Fisherman : Wanna play with my fishing rod ?
Elle : I can't think of another right now. Leave.
S,N F : (smiling) Okay. Bye-bye.
<Fisherman leaves>
Elle : Take care of my Ark, Light Gaia.

*****

<Back to reality...>
Snape : So far so good...
Dais : It's not quite what I was expecting...
Cyrus : Still interesting though... *nt*
Wertigon : Different...
Turbo : Targ Barg Warg On Guard...
Splodge (the normal functioning dog) : Woof.
<Doorbell chimes>
Doorbell : DING DONG !!!
Voice : Pizza !
Snape/Dais/Cyrus/Wertigon : Pizza Dude !
Turbo : Ark Sarg Darg Mustard !
Splodge : Woof !
<The gang get up and rush to the door, then to the kitchen to pig out>
<A dark, mysterious figure sneaks through the back door and into the lounge. Wearing complete
 black, and a balaclava, the figure goes around the room taking every picture off the wall and
 putting it into their bag>
Mysterious Figure : Steal my pictures will ya...
<Splodge spots what's going on and goes into the kitchen>
Splodge : Woof !
Snape : What's that boy ? Someone is in the lounge stealing pictures off of the wall and placing
        them into a black sack ?
Splodge : Woof !
Snape : Even the picture of my dearly departed great grandmother Ethel ?
<The gang exchange worried looks>
Wertigon : Let's go and kick their ass !
Cyrus : Yeah !!! ............................ *nt*
<They rush back into the lounge and pin the mysterious figure to the floor>
Dais : Let's see who it really is...
<Dais pulls off balaclava>
Snape : Oh my god !!! It's Bill Clinton !!!
Bill C : I did not have sex with Monica Lowinsky. She just gave me head.
Cyrus : Wait ! This isn't the real Bill Clinton ! *nt*
Wertigon : How do you know ?
Cyrus : 'Cos they're wearing trousers. *nt*
Cyrus : I think you'll find that the real thief is... *nt*
<Takes off mask>
Cyrus : Cherubae ! *nt*
Cher : That's right. And I would have got away with it too, if it hadn't have been for you
       meddling kids.
Snape : (sighs) Look, I'm sorry about the whole picture incident. It was stupid really.
Cher : Oh okay. Forgiven.
Snape : (under his breath) Even though I did ask permission.
Cher : What was that ?
Snape : Nothing. Anyhoo, we're playing Terranigma 2 - The Sequel. Wanna join in ?
Cher : Sounds cool.
<They all sit down on the sofa and dig into the Ham and Pineapple pizza. The game continues...>

*****

<Ark and the Elder stand by the hole>
Ark : There's no way in hell I am going to jump down that hole.
Elder : You did it before...
Ark : I've matured since then. I was crazy back then, but now I'm more of a responsible adult.
Elder : I dare you to jump down there.
Ark : (looks mad) What ? You don't think I'll do it ? You don't think I've got it in me ?
Elder : I double dare ya.
<Ark backflips stylishly into the hole and spins through the warp in the middle. It's kinda like
 a rip in the fabric of time and space. He winds up in a baron wasteland>
Ark : (shouts at top of his voice) I told you so !!!
<No response>
Ark : Damn. He tricked me. Yomi, remind me to wedgie him when I get back.
Yomi : (pops out of box) Let's get to the task at hand shall we. We need to get to Freedom. That
                         is where the nearest airfield is.
<The two walk off into the distance>

<Cue fancy effects. The screen fades to black and words materialize on the screen, alerting
 players to the change of chapter>
Screen : Chapter 2 - The middle, part 1

************************************************************************************************
Well, that's all for the moment. Chapter 2 will be coming soon and will be filled with the fast,
furious humour that occurred all of about... once in the above script. Errr... I haven't really
got that much thanks to say, I guess thanks to Dais for the concept, but that's all folks.
Keep it real. Chapter 2 - The middle, part 1 will be out soon ! Only at :
Castle Snape's Terranigma Page - http://members.xoom.com/Snape/terranigma.htm    ICQ - 27148634
E-Mail - Snape@xoommail.com	My site's just hit 1000 !!! Thanks to all concerned !!! Snape
************************************************************************************************