Terranigma 2 - The Sequel
By Snape
Idea completely stolen without permission off of Dais, 'cos apparently, that's what I do.
I'm sure he won't mind.
This should be viewed in Notepad, full screen. Or else.
Well it's time for Chapter 3, which traditionally comes right after Chapter 2.

Chapter 3 - The middle, part 2

And like in the game, I guess this had better be the super-long one.

Insane, psychopathic Narrator : It's time to rejoin our intrepid duo on their quest to defeat me.
				Like that'll ever happen. I mean, what the hell kind of
				competition am I gonna have from a teenager and a bat ?
				THEY WILL BOTH DIE SCREAMING WITH SHARP PINS IN THEIR HEADS !!!
<takes a bite out of guinea pig. His food is definitely increasing in size>

*****

<Ark and Yomi land the plane next to the white blood covered town of Mosque>

Ark : Well batman, let's see what kind of state Mosque is in. Hopefully, there'll be no more of
      their mad obsessions with that lab freak Beruga.
Mosque Guard : Beruga will show us the way !!!
Ark : Damn.
Yomi : What the...
<The Guard is the only person left alive in the entire town. The same kind of thing that was in
 Loire - dismembered bodies, severed heads etc. All quite funny to look at>
Ark : Hey Guard, what happened to all the other... err... Mosque... Mosquito's. Err...
<Yomi floats over a corpse, the head has been literally shoved up his arse, and his arms and legs
 have been chopped off>
Yomi : What the hell happened to this guy ?
Guard : He died.
Yomi : (groan) I mean how ?
Guard : His head was shoved up his arse, and his arms and legs were chopped off.
Yomi (slightly annoyed) Yes, but who did it ?
Guard : The one who killed him, of course.
Ark : Okay, forget asking him anything. Let's look around. I could do with a place to rest.
Guard : What a coincidence ! I have been trained as an innkeeper ! I also have a couple of other
        talents, such as...
Ark : Let me guess. Shop merchant and Magirock trader.
Guard : Why yes ! How did you know ?
Ark : Never mind. I need a place to sleep.
Guard : Of course. But first let me amaze you with Beruga stories. Then you can pay me the 1000
	Gems needed to stay at the inn.
<Ark picks up a spear and sticks it through the Guard's head>
Guard : Of course, you can stay for free if you really want to...
<Guard dies>
Ark : So kind. Beruga basher.
<They head for the inn and Ark goes to sleep. For some strange reason, some mystical 'Z's appear
 above his head. Morning arrives within seconds...>
Ark : (yawn) I feel slightly odd...
<Ark gets up and starts walking around in circles. He does this for about an hour>
Ark : What the hell's going on ?

*****

<Meanwhile, back in reality, 5 Terranigma fans and 2 fictional dogs have just finished off 7 cans
 of triple strength dutch lager, except for Dais of course, who apparently doesn't drink>
Cyrus : ********n (hiccup) t******** *nt* (hiccup) *nt*
Snape : (atop sofa) Look at me - I can fly !
<Snape jumps off sofa and lands on his head. Snape loses the ability to speak>
Wertigon : Snape's Macho Appeal down 10 !
Dais : (thinks this is all really funny) I haven't seen someone suffer a blow like that since
                                         Bill Clinton !
Cherubae : Yeah well, there'sh a bit of Bill Clinton in all of ush... (pun intended)
Wertigon : Snape... you okay... ?
Snape : (Snape tries to speak. Bubbles float out of his mouth)
Cherubae : Heerrreee, you shtole me pictures you did, yessshhh ?
Snape : (Snape tries to shake his head. It falls off and bounces out of the room)
<Entire gang laughs>
Dais : Well, seeing as I'm the only sober one left, I'll take over for a bit. You guys... and 
       gal... had better start eating some raw coffee.
<There is a sickening sound of someone barfing up. Dais goes over to the puddle of vomit and
 investigates>
Dais : Now, who did this. Lemme see, someone who likes fries... what's this in here... fridge
       magnet letters ...? Two stars, and two letters... **tn... what can that be...
Wertigon : (doing a handstand) Try re-arranging the letters...
Dais : Okay... Wait a minute !!! I know what it is ! It's '*nt*' ! Cyrus ? Is this your puke ?
Cyrus : Bleeeuuurrrggggghhhhh !!! *nt*
Wertigon : Looks like it.
<They all dig in to the raw coffee. Splodge, Snape's trusty canine friend, brings Snape's head
 back into the lounge and plonks it on his neck>
Snape : (groan) Urrrr... What happened ?
Cherubae : Howshhh he doin' that ?
<Dais sighs and resumes play>

*****

Ark (feeling dizzy) : Urrrrggghhh... My head...
Yomi : What was all that about ?
Ark : Dunno. Anyhoo, let's get going. We gotta find this Narrator chap and lick his arse.
Yomi : Kick his arse.
Ark : Whatever.
<Ark and Yomi leave the inn and head out of Mosque>

*****

<Time for the tediously unimportant sub-plot>
??? : (on door) Knock, Knock, Knock !!!
Perel : (yawn) Who the hell is it at this time of night ?
??? : (on door) Knock, Knock, Knock !!!
Perel : Alright, already ! I'm coming !
<Perel slips on his skateboard pyjamas and answers the door. He is greeted by a woman, completely
 frozen>
Perel : Oh my god... You look... blue...
Princess Elle : Yeah, I died. Drowned. Finito. Kaput.
Perel : Then how come you're alive ?
Princess Elle : Well, after I died I figured that the only way I could come back to life, was to
                become a bad guy. They always come back to life after you kill them.
Perel : So what you're trying to say is that you're a bad guy now ?
<Princess Elle pulls out a gun and aims it at Perel>
Perel : (trembling) But why ? Why me ?
Princess Elle : I'm being hired by someone. Someone called Dias.
Perel : Dias ? Are you sure it's Dias ?
Princess Elle : Positive. His name was Dias.
Perel : Sure it wasn't Dais ?
Princess Elle : Nope, it was Dias. But that's beside the point.
<Princess Elle pulls the trigger of her 'Dirty Great Gun'. Perel's brains become visible>
Princess Elle : Time to join forces with the evil Narrator and kick Ark's butt.
<Princess Elle leaves. Meilin opens the bedroom door, half asleep>
Meilin : Perel ? That you ? I thought I heard gun shot...
<Meilin notices Perel's dead body lying bloody on the floor>
Meilin : OH MY GOD !!! NOOOOOOOO !!!
<Meilin pushes Perel's dead body out of the way and starts scrubbing the floor clean>
Meilin : This stain will NEVER come out... I can't go on... I know ! I will find Ark and ask him
         to take revenge for my poor carpet.
<Meilin starts crying and leaves in search of Ark>

*****

<Ark and Yomi step outside of Mosque>
Meilin : Hey guys !!!
<She must of used a teleporter...>
Ark : NOOOOOOO !!!
Yomi : What are YOU doing here, you stupid mare ?
Meilin : That bitch Princess Elle ruined my carpet. The good news is that she killed my husband.
         But she must pay me for a new carpet !!!
<Meilin starts crying. She doesn't stop for 10 minutes>
Ark : Why the hell do you keep crying... Hey wait a minute !
<Ark fishes into Meilin's pocket and pulls out some onions>
Ark : Maybe this is the cause !
<Meilin stops crying>
Ark : Thank god for that. Anyway, you must be wrong. Princess Elle is dead. I'm sure of it.
Meilin : I know it was her.
Ark : You actually saw her ?
Meilin : No. She left a note apologising for the stain on the carpet.
Ark : Oh. Did the note say anything else ?
Meilin : Well, she complimented me on the wallpaper...
Ark : Anything useful ?
Meilin : Oh right. She said she was going to join forces with the evil Narrator and try to kill
         you.
Ark : (sarcastic gulp) Oh no. (more sarcasm) Not a frozen princess and a Narrator who has a 
                       taste for small fluffy animals and white blood...
Yomi : Your downplaying the situation. This guy wiped out two towns, and we don't even know what
       he looks like... he could be anywhere. Or anyone.
Ark : Yeah, but there was no-one important in either of the two towns.
Meilin : Wait !!! There's more on the back of the note... !
Ark : What is it ?
Meilin : It's a photo of the evil Narrator and a note saying that he's in the last place you'd
         expect to find him.
Ark : In an Indian Balti house toilet ?
Yomi : Doubtful.
<Meilin shows Ark the photo>
Ark : He looks strangely familiar... I'm sure I've seen him before...
<Suddenly, a large anvil drops from the sky and lands on Meilin. She becomes a pancake>
Ark : (doesn't care) Where the hell have I seen him before ?
Yomi : Ark ! Meilin's just been squashed by a large anvil !
Ark : So ?
Yomi : What a waste of an anvil !
Ark : Look, she'd played her part by giving me this vital information. She wasn't needed any
      more.
Yomi : Fairy Nuff. Ark, look over there...
<Yomi nods towards the floor, a couple of metres away. There is a message, made up entirely of
 intestines taken from the dead bodies of the err... Mosquito's.>
Yomi : Who the hell would do something like that ?
Ark : Someone who badly needed a pen.
<They walk/float over to the message and read it>
Ark : 'We have your precious Elle of Crysta. Return to the surface world at once, where we will
       do battle for world supremacy. Don't you just feel so sorry for the poor sucker whose
       intenstines I am using to write this ever increasingly long message ? I shall now recite
       the complete works of Shakespeare, starting with...
<The message goes on for a lot, lot longer. Poor guy...>
Yomi : What the hell is the guy doing in the Underworld ?
Ark : I know. It's really weird... WAIT A MINUTE !!!
<Ark has finally figured out the mystery... He goes over to a puddle of the white blood... and
 drinks some !>
Yomi : Eeeow ! Gross ! How can you drink blood, of ANY colour ?
Ark : Hmmm... Semi-skimmed. Just as I thought.
Yomi : You're making about as much sense as a Japanese Politician... what the hell are you 
       talking about ?
Ark : This isn't blood.
Yomi : What is it then... EEEOW GROSS !!! YOU PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH ?!?
Ark : No it's not that either. It's milk.
Yomi : Milk ?
Ark : Semi-skimmed milk. Two days before it passes it's 'sell by' date.
Yomi : I don't understand.
Ark : (groan) I knew I'd seen him somewhere before. Everything makes sense know...
Yomi : Did someone turn over two pages at once ? What the hell are you talking about ?!?
Ark : Think, you stupid ball of sputum, who was the first person we met at the very start of the
      game... err, I mean the adventure ?
Yomi : Elle of Crysta.
Ark : Wrong. Who was the person I said 'hello' to, seconds before I knocked on Elle's door ?
Yomi : Err...
Ark : And I then asked various questions to while I was talking to Elle...
Yomi : Err...
Ark : (sighs) And they deliver milk.
Yomi : The postman ?
Ark : (ignores stupidity) The Narrator... was the milkman from Crysta.
<Scary revelation music plays in the background. Screen fades to black, then displays...>
Screen : Chapter 4 - The end.

*****

<The gang are now sober, albeit in the hangover stage. Except Dais of course, who apparently
 doesn't drink>
Cherubae : What a suprise !
Cyrus : (groan) My head... *nt*
Wertigon : The milkman was actually the Narrator ? Oh please !
Snape : The plot thickens...
<Everyone looks at Snape>
Snape : What ? Was that too ominous ?
<Everyone looks away from Snape>
Dais : Awwww... look at the 'ickle dogs playing...
<Splodge is ripping Turbo's windpipe out>
Cyrus : Sweet !
<Everyone looks at Cyrus, expectantly>
Cyrus : ...
<Everyone is still looking at Cyrus, mouth's wide open>
Cyrus : (starts to vibrate) ...
<Everyone is still looking at Cyrus, gobsmacked>
Cyrus : (cheeks explode) ... *nt* GOD DAMMIT !!! *nt*
<Everyone looks away from Cyrus>
Cherubae : Has anyone seen my 'Golden Underpants' ?
<Everyone looks at Cherubae>
Cherubae : ...
<Everyone looks away from Cherubae>
Wertigon : I'm sure the question on everyone's lips, is what the hell did you do to make them
           golden, and more importantly, why the hell are you bragging 'bout it ?
Cherubae : (mumble, mumble) TMNT will open a can of whoop ass on you...

*****

Sadistic, Psychopathic, Underestimated, Narrating, Killer : So the hero and his little stupid
							    bat have discovered my true identity.
Meilin : (crying) STOP THE MADNESS !!!
Ark : Damn. It wasn't the onions.
S,P,U N,K : Don't interrupt me, Philistines ! You will never save Elle of Crysta !
Ark : Who said I was going to try ?
S,P,U,N,K : The programming code did. So there. Join us in the final chapter, where the outcome
            of the world will be decided, once and for all. I WILL BE THE 'KING OF THE WORLD' !!!
<Stupid quote from popular boat movie>
<The 'Scary, Psycho... blah, blah, blah' Narrator starts eating a cat. Gawd, whatever next...>
S,P,U,N,K : (smiles) You'll see...

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Well, that's all for the moment. Chapter 4 will be coming soon and will be filled with the fast,
furious humour that occurred all of about... once in the above script. Errr... I haven't really
got that much thanks to say, I guess thanks to Dais for the concept, but that's all folks.
I would also like to add a thankyou to all those people who wrote in about the third chapter. I
was suprised it did so well, and it made me get off my backside and get on with it. Thanks !!!
Another note, I am hoping to God that this passes the 'Dais nit-picking test', and as a bribe I
have brought Princess Elle back to life as he requested, and killed off Perel at the same time,
as he also requested. Two birds with one stone... Go easy on my above script man !!!
Keep it real. 'Chapter 4 - The end' will be out soon ! Only at :
Castle Snape's Terranigma Page - http://members.xoom.com/Snape/terranigma.htm    ICQ - 27148634
E-Mail - Snape@xoommail.com	My site's just hit 2000 !!! Thanks to all concerned !!!   Snape
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