UFO Finder Back-Issue Showcase

[Jason Tandro]

This is just one issue of UFO Finder so you all can find out what you're missing by not subscribing. Current subscribers are:

Joan-Michele
Chicken
Deathpit
Freedan


Take a look at this sample from April 6. Note: The pictures have been removed.

SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."



Bride and Groom
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.

On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom " Please promise to be gentle, as I am still a virgin ".

The startled groom says " How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."

The bride responds...

"Well you see it was this way. My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it. "

"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it."

"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever...................................God I miss him !"



Two Guys Looking for Their Wives
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she's a redhead with blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing a blue midriff tank-top and white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."



Lucky Drink
A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table. He sees his clothing
in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the
room and sees it is in perfect order. So's the rest of the
house. He takes his aspirins and notices a note on the table:

“Honey,
Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
I Love you. “

He goes to the kitchen. Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper await him. His son is also at the table,
eating. The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and
delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."

Confused, the man asks, "So why is everything in order and
so clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,

"LADY, GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF OF ME! I'M MARRIED!"




How to Pick the Best Woman to Marry
A man is dating three women and wants to pick one to marry. He decides to give them a test.

He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.



Secrets for a Happy Marriage

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Florida and mine is in New York.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

[chicken]

oh yea that one was cool liked the one with those "strange coincidents" too