The Weekend From Hell

[SoulBlazerFan]

www.deadjournal.com/users/villainous_hero

If you like reading about a person's really shitty weekend, feel free to visit that link, and read the newest post on that. If not, or you don't like a few curses, do not visit. I'm just... seriously done, the people I know are so immature... and yet in their immaturity in some aspects they are more mature than I... Goodness, is there any salvation? I just need to get away, so I'm not around, don't get worried or anything...

Until next time,

SBiF

[inferiare]

Posted a comment. Hope you feel better SBiF ^^

[SoulBlazerFan]

I really wish I'd be able to catch you online... I miss talking to you. :/


SBiF

PS: Thank you

[PaGaN3l3m3nts]

I can say I've been through a very similar point in my life... But, I have no intention of projecting myself onto you or vice versa... All my friends were nonstop drunk or high and the world around me just seemed to be falling apart, until I finally just cut myself off from the whole thing and drowned myself in work and jsut shut the world out...
Really, I can't give much in terms of advice, since I myself felt lost at those times... And I can't even really say my life ever recovered. So, all I can say is this, too, shall come to pass. And, maybe one day, someday, things will be better... Don't let the world get to you; don't let it break you. Try your hardest to hold onto your image of what you want out of life and what you want it to be, and hope those visions will be reality one day. Strive to make them be...
Though, I know at the same time that things can begin to seem hopeless and pointless... Just live through. There's at least a few people who care, right?
I know you and I don't really know each other. I read almsot all of the posts around here, but I only bother speaking when I fele I've got something to say. Or maybe when I get a little socially starved... But, from all I know about you from reading your posts for so long, I can say that you seem like a pretty intelligent person, who has a good bit of value to this world. I don't often come across people like you, and it aggrivates me to see people with so much worth and potential stifled and beat down by the world around them.
I guess all that's really just countering your statement that you feel like you don't have much worth to this world. And as for the things going on in your life... all I can say is what's been said. Make it through the storm... The sun'' shine again one day...

[SoulBlazerFan]

I think that post nearly made me cry, because it's all too damn true. This world is full of let down after letdown (Hold onto the youth most of you still have, and be prepared for hardships to come, for everything in life is to prepare you for the world). Thank you for what you said, it really brought up my spirits somewhat- I guess in this world everyone does one day face the same things at one time or another. Just some seem more prepared than others...

I always seem to have found myself trying to be a better person, and something would send me into the dark depths of depression. Try as hard as I might, when things would start getting better, something came along destroyed all the hard work I had built up. I just don't want to end up depressed, sad, and alone. I mean, I have a good time with them sometimes- but, I don't know what it is, something holds me back from doing any of that stupid shit- drugs, drinking- anything. Maybe it's my own mind telling me not to let something take away my control- that I don't want to end up doing what that kid Monty did- trying to rape a girl. Who knows what really we do when we get so drunk off our asses that we have no control anymore?

I fear what might come out, maybe that's the reason I don't do it. Maybe I fear the consequences- my family is run with alcoholics (My father and grandfather were both alcoholics, and, although he refuses to admit it, my father used to give me a few good hits on occasion, though he has since reformed), but when things fall apart for him, he takes it out on his kids- because he no longer has a wife that'll lay down and shut up, and he's become whipped to that bitch of a girlfriend who treats my siblings like absolute dirt.

I cannot stand living like this, yet I have no choice. With how little I make, I can't move out on my own- hell, at the rate I'm going, especially living in Jersey, I won't be able to move out for another five years, or should I happen to get a promotion (Which is more than unlikely). All that I can hope is, just as you said Pagan... at the end of every storm, the sun will shine brightly, and there will be a rainbow, which will show me again how beautiful this tormented world can be.


SBiF

[PaGaN3l3m3nts]

For my own personal ethics about not doing drugs/drinking/smoking... Smoking is obvious, as there's nothing to gain from it but a shortened lifespan and and health problems. Drugs, there's a lot of controversy over exactly how much they do/don't screw your body up. Same with alcohol. But for me... I just want to be in my right state of mind to make sure I handle every situation the right way. I've been drunk twice. That's the limit of my vices. And, honestly, I did it for no other reason than that I could sya I had done t and use that as validation in my argumetns for not wanting to do it. But, I wish I hadn't even done that... Because a lot of horrible things happened that night... Even though it started as such a good night. Nothing I was involved in at all, but things that maybe I could have prevented otherwise? That's why I avoid it. The second time I got drunk... was just to have a time being drunk when everything didn't go to hell, so that people couldn't say I hated it just because I associated all those bad events with it. But, as I said, I wish I hadn't even done it either of those two times. Haven't done it since, and never will. Never done drugs, thankfully...
Moving on... I always hate seeing people talk about situations like yours, because I want to say something to give advice or comfort so badly, but I have such a hard time pulling anything together. Everything I use to get through life is hard-wired into a system of ethics, beliefs, values, and opinions I've slowly put together for myself over the years. So, I can't really give my own methods to other people and expect them to work. So, I just say what I can... But, if it helped any, I'm glad.

[SoulBlazerFan]

It did help quite a bit. I've just always found it a time-consuming process on trying to make myself get out of my depressions, but as I said, something gets to me on a level that I had hoped not to. I mean, for instance, there was a night, Halloween this year, I had overhead something, a girl wanted to kill herself, and I thought it was this one girl in particular. I had asked her if she was all right, and I just wanted to get involved, because that's my own nature.

She told me she wanted to kill herself, because I was talking to her. I played it off, but by God, that's when it hit me- people never think before they speak. God- I mean, I normally wouldn't care for someone- it was my cousin's girlfriends friend, I had only wanted to try and help (due to my "helping" nature) just to get shot down in the worst possible way.

It destroyed the good time I was having then, and it just got to me, even though she apologized and said she didn't mean it and had no idea why she even said it, a person just wouldn't just say that out of no where.

I had never done anything to her, it's just, I don't know. Sometimes I try and find the good in people, but some people just lack it. And sometimes I'm pushed too hard by someone, and I just go off. (Those of you who were here when me and Ark were at each others throats in posts can attest to this), I've been only pushed to the point of wanting physical violence five times in my entire life. I was able to stop myself the first time, I exploded the second time, the third I exploded at my brother, the fourth I actually tackled my brother and began to hit him. The fifth was with Axe one night- I Can't even remember what caused most of these, because in the rage I had felt. It takes a massive amount of mental torment from someone to get me to that point, and for some reason, people try and get me to get to that point.

It's not me, I don't fight, I don't yell, it's just not who I am. But people find it fun to get to the worst part of you- get under your skin, make you do things you don't really even want to do. It's human nature to be animalistic and want to fight, be dominant. But it's just not me- I could care less who is dominant and who is not. I could care less who is popular and who is not. If you have to spend your time trying to be cool, trying to be the best- you are just investing a little too much time.

It's alot like video games/movies. There's a certain extent of Fandom I would go to for certain things, but I have my limit; I wouldn't create an Expensive costume, and go to Conventions in it (I mean maybe once, and maybe a cheap costume- but not as far as to have a "Star Wars" themed wedding, or change my name to Obi-Wan Konobi or something retarted like that). People try to be huge and over the top because the truth is the "real" them is shit and no good, and they know it. And that's why some people say "Life is over after high school," and for some people, their lives are miserable enough that they have to resort to drinking/drugs to get any feeling. Cutting, suicide- hell, murder and rape.

I really believe that we are pretty close to the end of all things; the world, this universe- life itself. It's either you go to Heaven or Hell- I sometimes believe I'd never make it into Heaven- I've always felt there are things that had been done to me that created a darkness within my mind, which caused my macabre sense of taste in movies/books, ect. I love writing horror stories, I sometimes to be completely honest, take out my anger by killing someone in a story that I based a character around. Not because I really want them dead- but because it's a form of looking at them, and kinda laughing at how I killed them. It's weird rereading it- I can assure you I'm not psychotic (Though it may seem so sometimes )

Well, I guess sometimes you need to get stuff off your chest, and I'm feeling quite a bit better at the moment. Thanks Raini, and thanks also to you Pagan- You ought to post around here more often, you are quite wise, and would be a welcomed edition to the TE team.


Adios for now,


SBiF

[inferiare]

Hey, no problem SBiF. When I actually see you online, we can roleplay some more and get your mind off of the troubles you're in. :mrgreen:

And hey, you know I'm here. I might now always be online, but yeah. Know that I'm here for you, and that if someone needs a good ass-whooping, I'll glady do it for you.

[Manibrandr System]

I hear you Rob, I've faced quite a few let-downs myself. All I can say is, don't let society's villains get you down.

[inferiare]

We can just kill them if they become a problem.

Or let them go to jail to meet Bubba. I'm sure he'd like that.

[SoulBlazerFan]

So true. Bubba will solve everything.


SBiF

[Freedan]

From the journal entry:

Quote:

I guess this is one of those moments when people will be relieved that I am a pussy and could never take my own life, although not a fucking soul reads this journal.

Not true SBF. Not taking your own life doesn't make you a pussy, it makes you a man. A pussy is someone who WOULD resort to that, since they're basically calling it quits. You've been dealt a lot of hardship over the years, and you've stood up to every last bit of it. And here you are today, an intelligent, generous man. (There's that word again.... "man".)

I won't lie and say I understand how rough things have been for you, because I've been fortunate enough to have a very positive life. I can't possibly understand. But I see you've persevered through every bit of shit life has thrown at you, and I'm sure you'll continue to do that.... and when you get the success, happiness and security you deserve, you can rest easy knowing that you earned every last bit of it.

[Manibrandr System]

Now I know why Freedan is voted the most awesome poster.

[SoulBlazerFan]

Joan-Michele wrote:

Now I know why Freedan is voted the most awesome poster.

Definately. Don't ever let anything get you down- you have to fight for the furture, and never give up, no matter how bad things may come to pass for. Some people can say they were blessed in life, I find my blessing in finding a place like this with as good a group of people as I have ever met. Don't change for anyone, no matter how much they try to, or how much you have feelings for them.

I've seen in my life good people turn to shit because of outside forces... a friend whom I considered a best who is now a drug addict, friend-less guy, my brother (Because of a girl) turn into this absolute asshole. My sister- welp, nothing's changed much about two of them, but after my parents split, my sister went from Toonami-loving, Sailormoon, Inu Yasha fan, to a goth-dressing, emotionless person.

I can't say I know who directly caused these people to change... but sometimes, people don't even realize that they are any different... I wish I could go back in time and fix the mistakes others caused, so the future would be a much brighter place. But it's human nature to make mistakes and be flawed- one one is, or ever will be, perfect. We can only try to be better than what people think we will be.

Heh, I did a complete 180 in a single day, didn't ? ;P


SBiF

[Manibrandr System]

*hug* I'm glad you've cheered up some. True that people have been uglified by outside forces, but remember, these people are weak, you are not.