Harry Potter Vs. Twilight

[Jason Tandro]

I have no interest in reading Twilight, so I don't care one way or the other. It's a love triangle between a human girl, a werewolf and a vampire (who apparently sparkles?) That right there is enough to keep me from so much as cracking the spine (except perhaps of the author of the book.)

[thefencemaster]

I have to say Harry Potter because I actually read that series. I don't care enough to bother reading the twilight series.

[inferiare]

Jason Tandro wrote:

I have no interest in reading Twilight, so I don't care one way or the other. It's a love triangle between a human girl, a werewolf and a vampire (who apparently sparkles?) That right there is enough to keep me from so much as cracking the spine (except perhaps of the author of the book.)

Yep. I think the exact words from the book is that Edward's "Marble-like skin glistened and sparkled in the sun" or some such. It was close to that, at least.

[Jason Tandro]

Quality storyline element.

[inferiare]

There's also a ton of thesaurus abuse, from what I've seen. It's bad enough in roleplay, I don't need it in books I read. :/ Twilight is akin to reading someone's opening post on a message board/journal roleplay/chat room that goes like this (and oh dear god I'm going to cry writing this, because this is the most painful thing ever to read, let alone write: )

"If anyone said anything about this one, it was that she was the most ambrosial woman they had ever laid their orbs upon. A long glebe of auriferous strands fell down her lithe back, and when she seemed to glide over the terra firma that her feet seemed to grace, the fields of auriferous wheat seemed to glimmer and glow no matter how she moved.

Pools of emerald explored every corner and shadow as the woman moved into the darker corner of the bar, inspecting every minute detail that the old wood had. These same pools of emerald were the type that men said they could get lost in, perhaps even drown the more they lost themselves.

But her most defining attribute was her milky, pale epidermis. It looked as soft as fleece, and those who touched it felt as if they had soared the the heavens--"

ok yeah I can't write shit like that. It's way too painful. All that just to say "A pretty lady walked into the bar and looked around as she went to sit down in a corner." Just. UGH.

I'm sorry Thesaurus, please forgive me for the abuse. I like using you for real purposes, and not shitty purple prose!

[Jason Tandro]

That reminds me of the Friends episode where Joe writes a letter and uses a Thesaurus on every word.

The sentence "they are big-hearted people" became "they are large-sized aortic-pump primates" and he signed his name (Joey Tribianni) "Baby Kangaroo Tribianni".

And what's with the "said" nazis? If I want to use "said" it's a hell of a lot better than "ejaculated!"

[Ratty Randnums]

Didn't the author of the Twilight books get the inspiration from a dream about Edward she had? So the whole thing is just her wish fulfillment whack fantasy? Well, that and a laughably veiled abstinence story. "Saga"? Please. If you don't mind going to ED their page on the whole thing is pretty lulzy.
The Moar you know. http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Twilight

[Jason Tandro]

Ah Ratty, you should post more often.

That was fun. ED is pretty damned awesome.

[inferiare]

If they don't have it on the ED page: the end of Twilight involves Bella getting knocked up by Edward before she can be turned into a vampire, the baby growing at a ridiculous speed (and I mean full growth in like, three days or something) and then the baby shattering her spine getting out. Edward has to eat through Bella's stomach and womb to get the baby out. He then turns Bella into a vampire so she can live again.

And then baby gets the most whacked out name since Albus Severus: Renesmee.

Just. What the hell, Meyers.

[EverPhoenix]

rainichan wrote:

If they don't have it on the ED page: the end of Twilight involves Bella getting knocked up by Edward before she can be turned into a vampire, the baby growing at a ridiculous speed (and I mean full growth in like, three days or something) and then the baby shattering her spine getting out. Edward has to eat through Bella's stomach and womb to get the baby out. He then turns Bella into a vampire so she can live again. And then baby gets the most whacked out name since Albus Severus: Renesmee. Just. What the hell, Meyers.

thats one minor detail i didnt know about the plot. all the less reason to read it, thats messed up. its not 'aww how adorable' in a romantic way (not that i react like that anyway), its just... wtf.

and as for renesmee, i also thought that someone had really no creativity and just stuck 2 names together. creating something that just does not work

[tay120n64]

What. The. Fuck.

First off, I read that little paragraph up there. Is that really how Twilight is written? I haven't read anything that disgustingly putrid since William Faulkner or Shakespeare. (sorry to any William fans out there) I mean, holy crap-face Batman, WTF? As a writer, I adore my thesaurus, but do you know why God looked down from the heavens to grace us with this wonderful natural resource? To keep writers from having to use the same word multiple times within (the same sentence)>(a single sentence).

C WAT I DID THER? Mad writing skillz I hav.

Also, a second WHAT. THE. FUCK.

That is really how Twilight ends? Seriously? And people choose to read this?

You know how Harry Potter ends? (don't worry, no big spoiler) Harry pretty much spends several pages making fun of Voldemort to his face. Which was awesome, I might add. And much better than eating a baby out of a womb.

Okay. I'm officially gonna go throw up now.

[Mantaray]

What also makes the series stupid is that the gigantic battle, the only thing that was almost cool, didn't happen just because a kid pops out of the forest and tells the bad guys a story. Then the bad guys turn around and go back home.

*twitch*

NO ACTION!! >(

[EverPhoenix]

sora-mage wrote:

What also makes the series stupid is that the gigantic battle, the only thing that was almost cool, didn't happen just because a kid pops out of the forest and tells the bad guys a story. Then the bad guys turn around and go back home. *twitch* NO ACTION!! >(

... wow, and to think i know people who are unhealthily obsessed with twilight. yes, more than one person, and they are like 20 years old. sad, isnt it

[inferiare]

@EP (and tay, by proxy): Yeah, essentially. After Bella is OMGSAVED by Edward and made into a vampire, they get married. Jacob (the werewolf character) gets pinged that Renesmee is his ~*~SOULMATE~*~ after she's born, and because she's a vampire kid, she'll grow up and be fully mature in like. 3 days.

It's quality writing, let me tell you. And yeah, Renesmee is the mesh of Bella and Edward's mother's names (Renee and... whatever the other name is) This sort of writing is OHHOWROMANTIC and I really don't see how. Nor do I see how this book is so popular with the older crowd.

@tay: Yeah, that's how it's really written. Straight from the book when she sees Edward:

"Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn't get used to it, though I'd been staring at him all afternoon. His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday's hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal." That's just ONE EXCERPT from the book, too.

@sora-mage: SO I HEARD. I guess she can't have two guys duking it out and being cool, oh no.

[EverPhoenix]

and im sure this is all written in the same consistent style. having only read 2/3 of the first book, i couldnt really say, but id assume its still spending the majority of the text explaining what bella is thinking and how much she wants edward. not really the kind of thing id like to read in my spare time. hence me never finishing the first book