Inferior pizza (a few big pics inside that I didn't resize)

[Freedan]

So earlier this week, my folks picked up some groceries. While they were out, they came across these things. They're those crappy "Lunchable" build-your-own-pizza things.

They picked them up as a joke, because they were only $1 each. See if you can figure out why.






Thar she blows. In the top compartment is the "pizza" crust (damndest thing, I could swear it's just pita bread). 3 diminutive triangles of pita bread, oddly enough of varying sizes. Comes with a pack of pizza (tomato) sauce, pepperoni (I'm assuming just generic luncheon meat), and the only thing that tastes like it's supposed to, mozzarella cheese.

Above the tray, we have a small bag of cranberries (probably the least offensive thing in the entire package), a box of apple juice on the right, and a rice krispie square (rectangle...) on the left.






A better look at the pita triangles. Notice the one on the left is smaller than the others. And these aren't exactly big to begin with.






A comparison for the rice krispie square. That's my brother laying his thumb next to it in the shot. His thumb is bigger than the fucking rice krispie square.

Have you ever been taking a shit, and instead of that one smooth pushing motion that results in a neat fecal package, you end up pushing and straining, and getting a dozen little turdlets? That rice krispie thing is about the size of a turdlet.






A shot of the completed pizzas. Honestly, is that not the saddest looking pizza you've ever seen? We put a tomato next to them for a size comparison (it was the smallest tomato we had). I was easily able to shove an entire wedge of pizza in my mouth.

Words can't adequately describe how bad those things are. It's just pita bread; and after you cover it with the tomato sauce, it becomes soggy pita bread. The pepperoni has virtually no taste at all, and the cheese becomes lost in the sauce.

The apple juice is pretty much what you would expect (though it's one of those skinny juice boxes, so you get about half as much juice as in a regular box), and the cranberries were surprisingly good, but the pizza is supposed to be the star of the show, and it's terrible. This stuff is meant for young kids to take in their lunches for school (I guess they give a shit about the novelty of 'building your own pizza'), but the only parents that would send their kids to school with this shit are those that don't love their kids.

At least it was only $1.

[inferiare]

Dark knight. I love you. BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING UP THE POOP JOKES? I'm close to waking people up.

But damn, you have weird lunchables in polar bear land. Ours look really different.

[psychokind]

this is disgusting

[Miss Prime Blue]

ROFL. I loled at this entire post.

And lunchables, there isn't anything nastier than highly processed junkfood. Looks like something you'd eat if you wanted a really bad case of explosive diarrhea.

And the pizzas don't look too appetizing. As an Italian, I am somewhat offended, lol

[Freedan]

rainichan wrote:

Dark knight. I love you. BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING UP THE POOP JOKES? I'm close to waking people up. But damn, you have weird lunchables in polar bear land. Ours look really different.

Those aren't the only ones we have. There are a few different varieties; the most common being that 'crackers, cheese, some-kind-of-meat' package. I imagine most people doing what I did with them as a kid.... piling all the meat and cheese on one cracker, then smashing the rest of the crackers.

And I brought up the poop jokes because it was entirely necessary.

[inferiare]

lmfao I never did that as a kid and I feel I have missed out.

Like I said though, ours look so much different for the pizza variety; we either have actual small rounds of pita bread, or we have the "deep dish" version which actually has a crust to it. They're all of 4" in diameter. I think at one point they also had mini hot dogs and mini burgers too, but those have since been phased out. Kids love pizza more, I guess.

But now we have these:



I get these at work for lunch sometimes. I GET NILLA WAFERS IN ONE OF THEM, SHUT UP

[EverPhoenix]

Miss Prime Blue wrote:

ROFL. I loled at this entire post. And lunchables, there isn't anything nastier than highly processed junkfood. Looks like something you'd eat if you wanted a really bad case of explosive diarrhea. And the pizzas don't look too appetizing. As an Italian, I am somewhat offended, lol

pfft, everyone knows pizzas are american now. or at least, an american pizza could eat any other pizza out there.

but this pizza... thats just pointless. and ive seen pizza vending machines. never been game enough to try one though

[tay120n64]

Aww...

I rather likes them Lunchables pizzas. If for no other reason than the novelty of it all. But then, ours look more like this:

[inferiare]

"Pepperoni-flavoured sausage". I love how they can't give us real pepperoni.

[chicken]

i so want to throw up now...

[psychokind]

really... how come someone is eating something like that voluntarely? you propably could eat oil, or radioactive material and it would even be more natural than that.

[tay120n64]

It's like candy. Only not sweet.

Kind of like eating a toy.

It's not good, and it's not good for you, but dammit, it's fun.

[SoulBlazerFan]

Last time I had a Lunchable, I was on my way to summercamp. Had to have been somewhere in the ballpark of 1998. I was getting a ride from some lady I didn't know, and I spilled the cheese all over her car. She was a bitch anyway, so I really didn't even care. Heck, I even wiped the sauce on my hands on the side of her car seat.

[Mantaray]

i never liked those lunchables. not only were they cold, they just never tasted right. the ones i've seen brought by other people is so figgen small you cant even call it a lunch. like, itty bitty. A french appetizer. A cookie-pizza.

cookie-pizza. ohmygod 5-ish years later in an edit and i finally think up the perfect word for it

[side=10]mcdonald's recently advertised that their chicken is real now.[/size] WHAT HAVE WE BEEN EATING BEFORE!!

[Blade]

Chicken Nuggets are made on international waters, so I've heard.