Flirting

[Jason Tandro]

Okay what are some of the rules of flirting? Because I realize there are different strokes and what not, but it seems like some things should be universal.

I get told that I'm a flirty person. I'm very nice and very complimentary, and yes I do tend to be moreso to women, but it's simply more of a most-guys-don't-appreciate-it-the-way-girls-do sorta way.

I hate to reveal my secrets, but I pretty much use a formula of flirting, it's this crazy thing. It's called being myself and acting like a decent guy. But I think a lot of people would say that I do flirt a lot. I mean, shoot, Miss and Raini can probably tell you that I am, at the very least, highly complimentary in my way of talking.

But I don't do it specifically for attention (a bit of a moot point considering how far apart we live, lol). And I don't lie about it, either. I am, if nothing else, remarkably blunt in my manner of speaking. If I have a problem with something I will address it (for those who need reminding, check out my responses in other threads in this forum).

That's not to say I don't utilize some "moves". Here are some tell-tale, I like you signs:

1. Going old-fashioned.
My female friends I always uphold some degree of chivalry for. When I start tucking in chairs and paying for your meals, odds are I like you.

2. Getting deep.
IRL, I usually only spill my guts to people I consider my closest friends. Maybe three people in the world know all the secret stuff about me. Now granted on the board you guys have a leg-up because of the relative anonymity, but IRL it's more complicated.

3. Eye contact.
And this is a weird one. You might not realize, but I have kind of a hard time looking directly in somebody's eyes. It's not really a lack of confidence thing it's almost a nervous twitch. But when I'm close with somebody I don't mind it so much.


Also I'm a very touchy feely kinda person, so the "playful touches" thing doesn't really mean much with me. I also (and here's maybe some TMI for you) am very good at giving massages, but I will not give one to a male friend (except in one very awkard situation where my roommate and best friend pulled a muscle in his back).

I'm not sure how to mention this. Some of my female friends just know that I'm good at it and don't mean anything by it, but in other cases a lot of people mistake THAT for flirting too (and let's be honest I can understand why; my ex-gf certainly enjoyed that little trait of mine.)

Anyways, ranting a lot and probably freaking you guys out. What are some things you look for in flirters and things you do yourself?

[EverPhoenix]

im not too sure. i try to be myself most of the time.

as psychokind once said to someone on here, being yourself is good - just dont be too much of yourself. ie, save the dark secrets and nerdy stuff for later, when its harder for them to get away. or, when you think they wont just be 'ew, nerd'.

but yeah, generally being nice, chivalrous (i guess, i mean its common courtesy but i do go that little step further occasionally - kinda like you said)

[chicken]

i think a little flirting is part of the common talk. someone once told that i happen to do it like most of the time, although i wasnt out for it, really. meanwhile, i think its quite funny. i mean, im not really HITTING on someone like "omg you are pretty. lets get down to it". its more like a game (and THAT is SO cruel to say), just fun to play. if something happens, its alright, if nothing happens, keep on playing or dont, your call.

also, my gf tolerates this. she knows i dont want to hit on someone else, so its just the way i talk. and no, there are no obvious super-NOT-WORKING-one-liner like "oh my bed is broken, can i sleep at your place?" or "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" i only use them among my friends and that only to get a laugh.

[inferiare]

I'm usually pretty oblivious to flirting. Apparently in order to win me over and to flirt it up with me, my nerdy Magic boyfriend traded me his super shiny promo from buying Duels of the Planeswalkers Nissa Revane to me for some cheaper cards. ...there was also a wing dance involved, but I have no idea wtf he means by that (it made his parents roll their eyes and laugh though). Depending on how aggressive though, I can get out of my LOL OBLIVIOUSNESS and figure out I'm being flirted with.

Course now that I'm spoken for, my boy is good to me: he pulls out chairs for me, lots of hugs, stuff like that. I'm pretty easy to please, I guess.

[Miss Prime Blue]

Well, i'm dating someone i'm interested in, so no flirting for me.

I wouldn't want him to do it, and so I don't.

That doesn't stop other guys from flirting with me, though ... but, if they get too heavy, I just tell them nicely i'm taken.

=D

[EverPhoenix]

one of my friends brought up this point once... his girlfriend was annoyed at him because he 'flirts with everyone'

he was just being nice... since when was being nice to a girl flirting?

[Miss Prime Blue]

EverPhoenix wrote:

one of my friends brought up this point once... his girlfriend was annoyed at him because he 'flirts with everyone' he was just being nice... since when was being nice to a girl flirting?

well, that depends.

Sometimes, some guys are genuinely being nice, and the girlfriend mistakes it for flirting.

Sometimes, the guy is being a little too nice, and doesn't care or realize that it's a bit too much.

[chicken]

inferiare wrote:

I'm pretty easy to please, I guess.

is that so?

[psychokind]

I don't flirt. a girl is either interested or not.

[tay120n64]

psychokind wrote:

a girl is either interested or not.

Pretty much that, but once I know a girl is interested, I like to take the "cute and playful" approach. Then once we're close, if she really is the playful type, I'll ditch the cute in lieu of a more competitive and sarcastic demeanor. Sort of the "anything you can do" attitude. It's still playful, but its a tad rougher, verbally, but what it does do is loosen up both parties making it easier for the two to interact. So essentially:

Cute & Playful>Playful Insults & Challenges>Personal Interactions

It pretty much always works, unless the girl just isn't interested. Of course, this strategy won't work for everybody...

[psychokind]

the only thing I can add is to make a girl sexually attracted first. I found the best way is to take her along to the lake, you can also see her body there more clearly. works only in summer though

if you want sex only, this speeds up the whole process. and if you want a relationship, you both have to hold back a bit and can check out each other determination. the guy thinks "good girl, she doesn't let me" and the girl thinks "tough boy, look how much he pulls hisself together for me"

[Jason Tandro]

@Miss:

The rule of thumb on that is simple. The line between flirting and just being nice is about the amount of affection lavished upon the girl when the girlfriend is around. And in more extreme cases, when she isn't.

You have a female bff who has been your friend since you were in kindergarten, it's okay to be nice and affectionate to her, but anybody realizes that when you have a girlfriend you are going to spend more time with her than with you.

[Miss Prime Blue]

Jason Tandro wrote:

@Miss: The rule of thumb on that is simple. The line between flirting and just being nice is about the amount of affection lavished upon the girl when the girlfriend is around. And in more extreme cases, when she isn't. You have a female bff who has been your friend since you were in kindergarten, it's okay to be nice and affectionate to her, but anybody realizes that when you have a girlfriend you are going to spend more time with her than with you.

Maybe it's just me, but that didn't entirely make a whole lot of sense.

[Jason Tandro]

Miss Prime Blue wrote:

Jason Tandro wrote: @Miss: The rule of thumb on that is simple. The line between flirting and just being nice is about the amount of affection lavished upon the girl when the girlfriend is around. And in more extreme cases, when she isn't. You have a female bff who has been your friend since you were in kindergarten, it's okay to be nice and affectionate to her, but anybody realizes that when you have a girlfriend you are going to spend more time with her than with you. Maybe it's just me, but that didn't entirely make a whole lot of sense.

No, you called that right. I kinda word-vomited all over the post.

Let me rephrase.

When you are dating somebody, it's natural to curb your affection for other members of the opposite sex by a certain degree, just out of common sense.

Even if it isn't necessary, showing that respect/paranoia/ whatever is a sign that you are committed to your relationship and don't want to do anything to jeopardize it.

You can still be affection to other guys/girls who you aren't dating, of course, just as long as you constantly reassure you're significant other (and more importantly these people) that you are in a committed relationship.

Does that make more sense?

[Miss Prime Blue]

Jason Tandro wrote:

Miss Prime Blue wrote: Jason Tandro wrote: @Miss: The rule of thumb on that is simple. The line between flirting and just being nice is about the amount of affection lavished upon the girl when the girlfriend is around. And in more extreme cases, when she isn't. You have a female bff who has been your friend since you were in kindergarten, it's okay to be nice and affectionate to her, but anybody realizes that when you have a girlfriend you are going to spend more time with her than with you. Maybe it's just me, but that didn't entirely make a whole lot of sense. No, you called that right. I kinda word-vomited all over the post. Let me rephrase. When you are dating somebody, it's natural to curb your affection for other members of the opposite sex by a certain degree, just out of common sense. Even if it isn't necessary, showing that respect/paranoia/ whatever is a sign that you are committed to your relationship and don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. You can still be affection to other guys/girls who you aren't dating, of course, just as long as you constantly reassure you're significant other (and more importantly these people) that you are in a committed relationship. Does that make more sense?

lol yes. That's better.

Of course, i'm not very flirty to other people anyway. Or at least, I don't think I am.