FAQ
TerraEarth.com
TerraEarth Gallery
Usergroups
Memberlist
Profile
Register
Log in
Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Santa and his reindeer lived at the North Pole, working on Christmas stuff. One day, one of the reindeer was born with a birth defect (that glowy nose stuff). The other reindeer, being unenlightened pricks, picked on him and made light of his problems. They wouldn't include him in their games, and when they did, he was always picked last for dodgeball.
Christmas Eve came along, and Santa was getting ready to make his rounds. But there was a terrible snowstorm raging, and he couldn't see fuck all. So he called Rudolph, and asked if he could use him like a searchlight.
Rudolph looked at Santa, looked at the reindeer, then back at Santa and said "fuck you. I was a God damn pariah for a year, and now you want my help? They treated me like shit, and you sat on your fat ass and let it happen. Fuck you, fuck Christmas, and fuck every last one of you reindeer shitheads."
As a result, Christmas was canceled, and millions upon millions of children were disappointed come December 25th.
The end.
Frosty the Snowman
Some kids were out making a snowman instead of doing something productive. Meanwhile, some idiot magician who couldn't do magic threw away a hat, but the hat was magic.
The kids grabbed the hat (dumpster divers) and used it for their snowman. It came to life, but unfortunately, was retarded. The magician wanted his hat back, but the kids told him to fuck himself.
So the magician trapped the retarded snowman in a greenhouse until he died. He took his hat back, but Santa came by, fucked him up a bit, rebuilt the snowman and stole the hat back. Frosty was pissed now; he gave the magician a nasty case of frostbite and his pecker fell off.
The end.
A Christmas Carol
Some nasty old prick named Scrooge was counting his money one day, when the ghost of his old partner, Marley, showed up. Marley told him that unless he stopped being a bastard, he'd end up going to hell.
"Fuck you, Marley", Scrooge said. "You're just pissed that I forged your will when you died."
Marley told him he'd have 3 ghosts break in to his house that night. Scrooge waited until the first one showed up, the ghost of Christmas Past. It showed him how his lust for wealth as a young man drove everyone away from him, including the ho he was banging. "Pfeh... she was a bitch anyway", Scrooge said. "Never put out."
Then the second ghost, Christmas Present, came by and told Scrooge that his greed was making people poor, and his only employee's crippled kid was going to die. Scrooge snickered.
Then the third ghost, Christmas Future, came, took them both to a cemetery, and told Scrooge that he was going to die unloved and un-mourned. "What the fuck do I care?", Scrooge asked. "I'll be dead." Then he spit in the ghost's eye and shoved him in to an open grave.
The next morning, he woke up, went to the window, and called out to a boy "what day is this?". The boy answered "Christmas day, you fucking idiot."
Scrooge threw a rock at the boy, and gave him a nasty cut. Then he grinned. "If they thought I was a contemptible dick before, they ain't seen nothing yet." Then he pushed an old lady to the ground, yelled at some hospital patients, and closed down the orphanage forever.
The end.
More to come.
fulairious
