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Edit: If you need a visual aide, picture a big fat, sweaty redneck on a motorcycle who looks like a cross between Meat Loaf and Dick Cheney.
Report to my boss wrote:Room 126:
Mr. Asshole arrived while I was off delivering something to another room. He was rude to another guest (she told me so herself, but wishes to remain anonymous). He proceeded to say that he had a reservation under his name. The conversation went something like this:
Asshole: You have a reservation for Asshole?
Micah: Let me check…
(I check and do not see anything under that name)
Micah: I can’t seem to find it. Are you sure you made it for the Best Western in Harrisonburg?
Asshole: (edgily)Well why don’t you look up my records and see where I stayed Friday night? I left Friday night and made a reservation for Sunday and Monday.
(I checked for a reservation on those dates)
Micah: Did you perhaps have it under a different name?
Asshole: (shouting)Why would I put it under a different name?!
Micah: Like if you were in a group, or something. I’m sorry but I can’t seem to find the reservation.
Asshole: Would it help if I had the receipt?
Micah: Yeah, actually. I could look you up based on that.
(Asshole, fuming, puts his billfold back in his pants and leaves. I help the next guest, who was the one who made the complaint about him. Shortly thereafter, Mr. Asshole returned.)
Asshole: (accusatory) Why did you say I had to have a receipt? I can’t get a room if you don’t have a receipt?
Micah: Sir, I only meant if you wanted me to look up your previous-
Asshole: (shouting) I don’t need you telling me what I did, I’m an adult! Why did you make me go out there and get a receipt?
Micah: As I said it was if you wanted to see your previous stay. I can take your information down now if you want.
Asshole: (sigh) Okay. I want a single king upgrade.
(I begin making the reservation)
Micah: Okay did you have Triple-A or AARP?
Asshole: I just said I have AARP! Didn’t you hear what I said?
Micah: No sir, sorry.
Asshole: (calmer, but fuming) Okay… strike two.
Micah: I’ll need your payment method.
(Asshole hands me his credit card)
Micah: And next I’ll need your driver’s license.
(Asshole scoffs.)
Micah: Or any form of identification.
Asshole: That’s the legal way to ask that question. You’re not supposed to ask for a Driver’s License, it’s illegal. But you wouldn’t understand that, so I won’t bother explaining it.
(I ignore this and take down his information.)
Micah: Okay, I see what may have happened, perhaps the person who made the reservation for you put it under K&K Inc [this was what his credit card was issued too].
Asshole: Why would they do that?! What’s my name? Who’s ID did you just ask for?
Micah: Sir, I understand, but what I meant was that they may have just taken your card and-
Asshole: My name is Asshole, the reservation was made under my name.
Micah: I see. And you want this for one night, correct?
Asshole: Let’s make it one night for now, the way things are going.
Micah: Well the thing is we’re full up Monday and Tuesday.
Asshole: Well I’m sure at some point you’ll find a reservation for me in there.
(I decide to settle the matter once and for all and look up a reservation under K&K Inc. Lo and behold that is what it was made under.)
Micah: Okay, sir. I found your reservation. It turns out it was made under K&K… but I think it might be a different person. It looks like this was made under somebody who lives in Missouri.
Asshole: Missouri? Did you just look at my license or not?
(I compare the reservations. Both have MS as the state. I had mistaken this for Missouri.)
Micah: Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right.
Asshole: That’s not Missouri.
Micah: Sorry?
Asshole: MS, what’s that stand for.
Micah: Oh, I’m sorry, Mississippi.
Asshole: Correct.
Micah: (trying to lighten the mood). Missouri is MI, right?
Asshole: (thinking)… No that’s Michigan.
Micah: Ah, MO.
Asshole: Correct.
Micah: (chuckling) I used to know that, I swear.
(Asshole still seems on edge.)
Micah: Alright the total is $150.34.
Asshole: I just said for one night.
Micah: Oh, so you did want just the one night then? I’m sorry the reservation was made for two. The single night rate is $75.47
Asshole: Oh, so you just double that rate down to get the higher number.
Micah: Yes that was for two nights. Sorry about that.
(I hand Asshole his keys.)
Micah: Continental breakfast is served from 6 AM to 10 AM. This room is on the building right next to us. You can park right up to it.
Asshole: Very good.
(Mr. Asshole leaves and comes back a few minutes later. I am dealing with another customer at this time. He seems calmer and begins chatting with this gentleman. When I finish with the other gentleman, he tosses the keys on the table and says.)
Asshole: How about a key that works.
(I examine the keys. They were activated, but weren’t working for him apparently.)
Micah: I’ll make you another one. Did the door light up? I just want to make sure it’s not the lock.
Asshole: Uh… it lit up red.
Micah: Okay, here’s a different key. Be sure to keep this away from your phone.
(I begin to place the card in the sleeve.)
Asshole: I don’t need that sleeve.
Micah: Okay. Yeah, the cell phones wipe these things clean.
(Asshole leaves without a word, but then comes back shortly afterwards. He now seems agitated again).
Asshole: Is that supposed to be a nonsmoking room? That’s why there’s an ashtray in there?
Micah: I’m sorry the reservation was made for a smoking room. I’ll fix that right now.
(I reassign him).
Micah: The good news is that the room two doors down from you is nonsmoking.
Asshole: Very good.
(I give him the new keys and he finally leaves).
I apologize for writing up this very detailed report, but I have a suspicion that Mr. Asshole will be making a complaint about me.
Micah
