jokes you invented on your own

chicken · Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:25 pm

alrighty, guys, its time for some posing

i came up with this one today morning in the bathroom:

"how's the hair around a nudist's genitals called? - public hair"

i guess you can top that, so lets get creative!

Jason Tandro · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 2:01 pm Post subject:

Capitalist, Socialist and Communist walk into a bar.

The barman says "drinks are 2 bucks."

The Capitalist goes first. He says "I'll tell you what, go ahead and give me the drink for 1 buck. By lowering your price you'll gain more business and your bottom line will be improved, plus you'll have me as a repeat customer."

The barman nods, takes the dollar and gives him a drink. He tells the other two "drinks are 1 buck."

The Socialist goes next. He says "You know you have plenty of alcohol in your establishment. You should give your alcohol for free. I work on a farm and will give you my food and we can all share what we have."

The barman agrees and give the Socialist a drink.

The Communist walks up, pulls out a gun and says: "I'll have what he's having."

simkin_belinelli · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:55 pm Post subject:

its not mine, its from a friend . I ll try to translate it lol .

what if the fanta were not invented??? The final fantasy will be the final cokesy .

awesome facepalm

Jason Tandro · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:03 pm Post subject:

simkin_belinelli wrote:its not mine, its from a friend . I ll try to translate it lol .

what if the fanta were not invented??? The final fantasy will be the final cokesy .

awesome facepalm

Smack your friend for me.

That was a horrible joke!

Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:55 pm Post subject:

Jason Tandro wrote:
simkin_belinelli wrote:its not mine, its from a friend . I ll try to translate it lol .

what if the fanta were not invented??? The final fantasy will be the final cokesy .

awesome facepalm
Smack your friend for me.

That was a horrible joke!

...and by horrible you mean AWESOME HORRIBLE right?

Yet One More Idiot · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:30 pm Post subject:

A man wanted to buy a fizzy orange drink, so he went to the supermarket. But the lady at the checkout said that he had to have a partner to share it with.

Why?

'Cos everyone knows, it takes two to Tango.

EverPhoenix · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 1:29 am Post subject:

i didnt invent this one, but my friend just posted it on my facebook wall. where he got it, im not so sure.

E to the X (e^x) is walking down the road, when he sees a bunch of constants running the opposite direction.

"What's the matter?" Asked E to the X
"There's a Differential chasing us and he'll turn us into nothing!" the constants replied.

"Ha!" said E to the X, "He can't differentiate me."

So E to the X kept walking forward and turned the corner, only to his horror to find dY/dZ

chicken · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 2:27 am Post subject:

until now, all your jokes sucked

Yet One More Idiot · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:03 am Post subject:

EverPhoenix wrote:i didnt invent this one, but my friend just posted it on my facebook wall. where he got it, im not so sure.

E to the X (e^x) is walking down the road, when he sees a bunch of constants running the opposite direction.

"What's the matter?" Asked E to the X
"There's a Differential chasing us and he'll turn us into nothing!" the constants replied.

"Ha!" said E to the X, "He can't differentiate me."

So E to the X kept walking forward and turned the corner, only to his horror to find dY/dZ

ROFL!

Does me finding that joke really funny make me a sad geek? Ah well, it's still funny anywayz.

Here's one I heard in a college maths class, but we all thought it was pretty darn funny anyway:

Why did the cat slide off the roof? 'Cos he had no mew.
(If you never studied mechanics, you won't get it)

EverPhoenix · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:12 am Post subject:

Yomi's Evil Twin Intern wrote:
EverPhoenix wrote:i didnt invent this one, but my friend just posted it on my facebook wall. where he got it, im not so sure.

E to the X (e^x) is walking down the road, when he sees a bunch of constants running the opposite direction.

"What's the matter?" Asked E to the X
"There's a Differential chasing us and he'll turn us into nothing!" the constants replied.

"Ha!" said E to the X, "He can't differentiate me."

So E to the X kept walking forward and turned the corner, only to his horror to find dY/dZ
ROFL! Does me finding that joke really funny make me a sad geek? Ah well, it's still funny anywayz.

Here's one I heard in a college maths class, but we all thought it was pretty darn funny anyway:

Why did the cat slide off the roof? 'Cos he had no mew.
(If you never studied mechanics, you won't get it)

it depends who teaches mechanics. and what else they teach you. Mu to me means dynamic viscosity. ive had friction coefficients shown as n before.

Jason Tandro · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 10:31 am Post subject:

Whenever we have conversations like this it always makes me feel like the normal kid at a private school for geniuses. My mommy said I'd fit in, and that I was certainly not unintelligent. But then all the smart kids started asking me questions that I couldn't answer and the coursework was too hard. Towards the end of my schooling I had a relationship with a hot, but geeky girl who didn't like the school either and we both dropped out and got married.

Because I never got my high school diploma I was forced to work as a Shipping clerk at a department store. I worked long hours and hardly ever saw my wife and our newborn son.

She finally gave me an ultimatum. I had to be home by dinner every night or she would leave me. I didn't know how to cope with the stress of a work and family life and began taking drugs.

It was fine at first, until my wife and son caught my smoking weed in our stationwagon. That was the last straw for her and she left me. The judge awarded her sole custody and I took to the road, never wanting to lay eyes on the house where we lived again.

I traveled south through Georgia stopping at bars and sleeping with women trying to forget the one woman who made me feel normal. I soon ran out of money and my car died and I was forced to walk. I hitchhiked my way across the South, finally ending up in California. I got a job as a stage hand on a few minor plays and eventually built up a solid resume.

I got my big break as a the Gaffer on Freddy vs. Jason vs. Obama vs. Zordon and made enough money to rent out a studio apartment. I got into the trendsy California scene and began working on screenplays. I eventually turned my life story into a screenplay called: I can't believe you are still watching this, and it did wonderfully.

Then my wife showed up. She was amazed at how well I had turned out. My son was now 19 and dating this pretty young thing from his high school. They were talking about getting married.

She asked me if I wanted to get back together with her, but I was still bitter about her abandoning me when I needed her most. I told her no and to never bother me again.

My son was disgusted at me, convinced by my wife's stories that I was completely at fault. So while I had everything that I needed, my love life and family life had been ruined. One day, I just couldn't take the pain any more and decided to end it. So I went out surfing one day and just never came back...

Yeah, I go on rants sometimes...

Yet One More Idiot · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:50 am Post subject:

(Warning: Old Joke)

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

DAM!

EverPhoenix · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:06 pm Post subject:

a priest walks into a bar.

ouch.

Yet One More Idiot · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:02 pm Post subject:

Two men see a third man is walking down a road and then he suddenly turns into an alleyway.

The first man turns to the second and says "I didn't know humans could morph into between-building passageways."

*cheap rimshot*