A crappy childhood, and present problems

[psychokind]

you all compare your problems to somebody who has most likely been physically abused in his childhood and say: "we're okay now, why isn't he too?"

not even I would go that far

[Jason Tandro]

you all compare your problems to somebody who has most likely been physically abused in his childhood and say: "we're okay now, why isn't he too?"

not even I would go that far

Of course you assume that none of us have ever been abused or worse in our childhood...

[Miss Prime Blue]

But the lifestyle these people live of eternally being victims who's actions are excused because of what happened in the past sickens me. There is a time to stop letting your childhood dictate your actions, and that time is 18.

This does raise a question, though.

Could it not be argued that he is the way he is because he honestly doesn't know any other way to live? It's like someone being in prison for 50 years, then being released. They probably won't be able to adapt, because prison life is all they know.

It's easy enough to say 'get help and change your ways', but is it possible that after living the way he has for so long, he's just not capable of living any other way? Or are people always capable of changing?

Personally, I don't even like the guy, I'm just playing Devil's Advocate.

This is a possiblity.

Everyone has coping and survival skills. This may be the only way he really knows how to cope. Does that excuse it, no, but he probably just doesn't know how to do much else.

Oh, and no one changes unless they really want to. In this case, this guy probably won't. His type probably won't change for the good of others, because he doesn't care about the good of others, and he most likely is in denial, and doesn't believe he has to change. Change needs a payoff -- i.e, what he "gets" as a result of changing. If it's just not to hurt others anymore, that probably won't be enough for him.

So, if he were to even try to "change" (I kind of hate that word in this context), then he'd do it for himself. Even then, it's not like a magical wand would be swept over him -- he'd have to adapt a whole new way of living and thinking. And he'd need to keep it up.

In the case of abusive relationships, change is rare. More often than not, the abusers deny they have any problem whatsoever, and don't see a reason to change. They blame all their problems on the other person, and so, they see little reason they need to change.

Glad this woman is away from him, though.

[Jason Tandro]

@MPB: And then again, that brings up the whole nature vs. nurture argument again...

[Miss Prime Blue]

Perfect example of someone who knows no other life:

Griselda Blanco (or the "Black Widow")

Raped and abused as a child (and sold into prostitution), she became a drug lord and a heartless hitwoman. She even took pleasure in killing defenseless children.

I would link to the youtube video that explains it in more detail, but it's kind of graphic.