Gimme A Rating

[SoulBlazerFan]

All right. I've been working on a Screenplay for a few months now, for a comedy about two friends. What lies forth is, essentially, a brief scene I've been thinking about. Remind you, alot of the stuff I write is REALLY dirty (Anyone who reads my stuff can attest to that) so if you're grossed out easily, or offended easily, I may recommend you continue no further. Otherwise, any citicism (Good or bad) would be greatly appreciated.



SCENE X, HOUSE EXTERIOR, DAY

LEE and JASON are walking to their car after leaving LEE's house. LEE is extremely nervous.

JASON

So she told you she was pregnant.

LEE
Yeah, that's what she said.

JASON
Wow man, that sucks.

LEE
Oh, that sucks, right? Falling off your bike, that sucks. Your car breaks down in traffic, that sucks. Your ex is pregnant with your kid? That doesn't suck, it's something much worse! (LEE opens the Car door, and climbs inside)

JASON (Getting into the Car)
That really sucks?

LEE (Turning the car on)
No shit it really sucks.

JASON
There's only one way to solve this problem of yours.

LEE

She's not getting an abortion. We already talked about it and she doesn't want one.

JASON

Who the fuck said anything about an abortion? I was talking about getting you laid.

LEE

Oh no. Last thing I need is accidentally getting some other girl pregnant.

JASON

Yeah, who'd want two little you's running around anyway?

LEE

Thank's for the moral support.

JASON

Any time. (They sit in silence for a moment) So what kind of guy are you?

LEE

Excuse me?

JASON

Virgina Vagina or Anal Annie?

LEE

What the hell are you talking about?!

JASON

Blow up dolls. You obviously can't screw a real girl, so we'll get you a real one. After you fill her with hot air, you can fill her with your man goo.

LEE

That's just sick!

JASON

What about Funbags Frannie? Maybe we could just settle with a GILF. I know you like the older ones.

LEE does not answer. They continue sitting in silence, when we cut to:

(That's about all I got so far. Let me know of any comments you may have, criticisms, or ideas. Anything would be helpful)


SBiF

[chicken]

hehe, sounds like a situation that happens like every day i'll give you 3 thumbs up :coolthumb::coolthumb:

[Manibrandr System]

I approve of the sick humour!

Needs to be a bit more descriptive on the expressions for effect, but overall, pretty decent.

8/10

[Axe Kazama]

Have Lee do a FALCON PUNCH!!! onto this pregnant woman
then this would get a 10/10

sorry, too much 4chan

seriously though, about 6/10. I can see this in a some sort of teen movie, where the comedy there really doesn't appeal to me at all, infact I loathe it most times. Still, well written though, would appeal to the casual movie goer

[SoulBlazerFan]

Have Lee do a FALCON PUNCH!!! onto this pregnant woman
then this would get a 10/10

sorry, too much 4chan

seriously though, about 6/10. I can see this in a some sort of teen movie, where the comedy there really doesn't appeal to me at all, infact I loathe it most times. Still, well written though, would appeal to the casual movie goer

Trying to write something that would be preferably easy to film...something I learned about no budget film making, you gotta use whatever you have, and that's people I know that I feel havea good sense of humor. Unfortunately, the only humor that appeals to me is the slightly more disgusting of the sort. And yes, it is silly.

And about the context; I wrote this purely from memory, so forgive the lake of expression/action. When I write a second draft I'll put the other one up, or if I get a chance prehaps put up a few of the different scenes I've written thus far.