A salute to pie (warning: big pics I didn't bother resizing)

[Freedan]

Because I've been sick for the last few days, I've become bored as hell. So, I decided to do a salute to one of the coolest things ever to grace the planet, which is pie.


1.) Cherry pie



Quite possibly the best pie there is. This is the shit God eats. They say so in the Bible: "Let he who doesn't liketh the pie of the Lord be shat on by 1,000 sufferers of diarrhea". It's in the New Testament.

Cherry pie gets 5 out of 5 Dark Friars.



2.) Blueberry pie



Ok, so technically this is a picture of some blueberry/raspberry mixture, but we know what blueberry pie looks like. Blueberry holds the distinction of being the only thing on the planet that tastes like blue. Sure, the filling looks like something drained from a tumour, but it tastes damn good.

4 out of 5 Dark Friars.



3.) Peach pie



This one has me a bit conflicted. On one hand, I like the taste of peach. Peach flavoured stuff is totally badass. On the other hand, peaches themselves give me the liquid shits like you wouldn't believe. When a tasty pie comes at the cost of parking my saturated colon on the crapper for a few hours, it's a tough call.

Oh, a rating. I don't know... 3 Dark Friars.



4.) Pumpkin pie



Pumpkin pie is the most misleading pie there is. It clearly looks like it's made of turd. There's even spots in it. But it's a damn good pie. It's too bad you only see that many of them around Thanksgiving. So enjoy your turd pie while they're available.

4 out of 5 Dark Friars.



5.) Apple pie



This one is a bit iffy, because it kind of guilts you in to liking it. It's American; it's SO American, it's used as the standard for everything else American ("as American as apple pie"). So if you don't like apple pie, you're an un-American Al Queda terrorist bastard and will be thrown in prison. And you know how America treats their prisoners.

Best not to risk it, and like apple pie. Lie if you have to. Be patriotic.

6 out of 5 Dark Friars for apple pie. Yeah, that's more than the scale allows, but I just love apple pie and America. Try and stop me.


That pretty much covers the most common pies. And they all kick ass. Cherry is awesome. Apple is awesome. Maybe not rhubarb. But rhubarb is fun to say, so I'll give it 3 out of 5 Dark Friars. Rhubarb. Rhooooobarb. RHU-barb.

Let's hear it for pie.

[chicken]

still... i scream for ice cream

[inferiare]

Ahahahahaha. Thanks. That just made my day.